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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24206899">The Past That Haunts You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/UpsideDownCats/pseuds/UpsideDownCats'>UpsideDownCats</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, F/F, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Prostitution, Rape/Non-con Elements</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 15:41:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,031</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24206899</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/UpsideDownCats/pseuds/UpsideDownCats</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Lily has a flashback and tells Maia about her past.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lily Chen/Maia Roberts</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Past That Haunts You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lily had planned the day perfectly. Everything had been exactly right. The piano was on the roof, ready for her to serenade Maia, the picnic had been laid out, the candles had been spelled by Magnus to ensure nothing would catch on fire, she had drunk enough blood even though she would drink more at the picnic- you could never be too careful- and as soon as the sun went down, Maia was at the hotel, ready.</p>
<p>	They were almost to the skyscraper Lily had prepared, holding hands and laughing, when all of Lily’s plans fell apart.</p>
<p>	A scream was coming from a dark alleyway, and without even looking at each other, they darted into the shadows.</p>
<p>	She had been fully prepared to fight someone, but what she saw stopped her in her tracks.</p>
<p>	A man was leaning over a young girl- in her teens, perhaps, and kissing her. The girl was backed against a wall, and she was trying to wriggle out of his grasp but the man was stronger. Lily watched in horror as the girl screamed. Just as the man was reaching up her shirt, Maia had reached him.</p>
<p>	Her claws were already out, and she raked them across his back, then grabbed his shoulders and pulled him off. With a snarl she bent over him as he screamed. With another slash of her claws, his stomach was ripped open and bleeding.</p>
<p>After snarling again, Maia spun around and started talking to the girl quietly, leading her out of the alley. Lily saw the fear in her eyes, how she was shaking, the relief in her that Lily had never felt and just stood there, unable to move or think or say anything.</p>
<p>Maia shot her a concerned look before pulling out her phone and dialing a number. Lily saw her talking but couldn’t hear anything. Instead, she heard the familiar voices of her past. <em>No, no. Not now, not today, no, no, no.</em></p>
<p>It was no use, of course. She was in the House of Eternal Pearl again, and a man was leaning over her, touching her. She didn’t move, <em>couldn’t</em> move. And then she heard distant noises slowly growing louder as she came back to the world around her.</p>
<p>The noises were sirens. There were two police cars and Maia was helping the girl into one while a cop was pulling the man into the other.</p>
<p>When they drove off, Maia came back, putting an arm around Lily. “What’s going on?”</p>
<p>She forced a smile. “It’s nothing, really. That was incredible, what you just did.</p>
<p>Maia shrugged. “You would have done it too.”</p>
<p>
  <em>No, no I wouldn’t have.</em>
</p>
<p>“Come on,” Maia said. “Let’s go to the skyscraper. She’ll be okay. I know that cop and she’ll take care of her. And then you can tell me what’s wrong.”</p>
<p>Lily shook her head but followed Maia to the building, Maia’s arm around her, a source of comfort. That was one of the reasons she loved Maia- she always provided comfort.</p>
<p>
  <em>Wait, loved? Where did that come from? Do I love her?</em>
</p>
<p>When they got to the skyscraper, Lily’s mind was still churning. Between the flashback and her casual use of the word ‘love,’ she was a mess.</p>
<p>Numbly, she sat down on the picnic blanket, barely registering Maia sitting beside her and taking her hand.</p>
<p>“Lily,” she said. “You don’t have to tell me what’s wrong, but know that I am always here for you. Please, at least tell me how I can help.”</p>
<p>Lily turned to look at her. She was so sincere, so concerned. <em>I can’t tell her. She’ll hate me.</em></p>
<p>
  <em>But what about when she finds out? She’ll hate you more than. Better to get it over with.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>If you don’t tell her yet, you have until she finds out to be with her.</em>
</p>
<p>Lily took a deep breath. <em>She deserves the truth. I’m going to tell her.</em></p>
<p>“Hey.” Maia took her other hand and squeezed them both. “I’m here for you.”</p>
<p>Lily shook her head miserably. “You won’t be soon. But- I’m going to tell you. About my past” After telling Alec the story, she found it a lot easier to say the words. She just had to repeat what she had said back in Buenos Aires.</p>
<p>When she was done, Lily pulled her hands out of Maia’s and stood to leave.</p>
<p>“Where are you going?” Maia shot to her feet. “I- I’m sorry. What did I do wrong?”</p>
<p>	“What? Maia, no. You didn’t do anything, I just don’t want to-”</p>
<p>	“Don’t want to what, exactly?” Maia had gone from worried to angry in a split second. “What exactly were you going to say? That you’re a bad person? That you don’t deserve me? Lily, I love you.”</p>
<p>	There it was again. ‘Love.’ Lily had only loved three people in her life. Her mother, who was dead. Raphael, who was also dead and hadn’t loved her like that. She knew that he had loved her, but not like she did. She remembered when Raphael had first discovered the terms aromantic and asexual. That was the happiest she had ever seen him, and he hadn’t even been happy, not really. He had been content, because he knew who he was. He had never thought of his identity as a bad thing, but he liked having a word for it, just as Lily liked the word pansexual. It also made her feel content, which was rare for her, although sometimes she was content with Maia</p>
<p>Maia, the third person she loved. Maia, who was always there for her and wasn’t leaving. Maia, who loved her.</p>
<p>“I love you too,” Lily said.</p>
<p>Maia laughed. “I’m glad. Otherwise this would have been very awkward. But Lily, I promise I’m not leaving you.” She pulled Lily close and kissed her. “I am here for you, and I will be for as long as I can.”</p>
<p>Lily knew that ‘as long as she could’ wouldn’t be long, but right now, Maia was with her, and Lily was leading her to the piano, and when she started playing for Maia, who she loved and who loved her, she felt content.</p>
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